It was a soft and feeble cry,
not sure if it was out of happiness or resistance. But, for me it was the
sweetest sound ever heard and it further gifted me with the following visual of
its source - my daughter. She was looking around the delivery room after the
initial cry and I looked at her thanking God for such a sweet baby. My heart
was pounding to shower her with all my love and be the best mother in the world.
But, little did I know that the door from the delivery room to the world of reality
was not so far away!
Like any other woman, the nine
months of pregnancy was a roller coaster ride of emotions for me and I expected
the delivery to be the culmination of all. However, the ride was only about to begin:).
But, the ignorant I was there at the exit of the delivery room with a list of lullabies
running in my mind and imagined a baby whom I can cuddle all the time! And then
the nurse handed me the baby and before I could sing any of those songs or even
hold her correctly, she started feeding!!!
“Amma, this is serious stuff .You
better get on track“. Did she whisper
this to me?
My room’s window opened to the
view of a quiet hilly residential area and beyond which was a lagoon and it
made its way towards the sea. I was sitting on the bed and my kiddo was
sleeping peacefully. I even thought that I could drift away to a creative mood
and take some snaps and may scribble down a poem and then…”wu wu wouaaaaa….” My
peacefully sleeping honey punch is now crying! What to do? Feeding? Checked! Burping?
Checked! Diaper Change? Checked! Time is running out! I took her to my arms and
did a cradle hold and moved gently, so that she can soothe herself to sleep.
This is how my mom does, but it is not working for me now! I changed the
movement, I changed the hold. I started singing lullaby, maintained a sweet
smile on my face. Not working! “Try it out
and don’t drop out”, I was telling myself and after a 30 minute struggle, she
fell asleep. As I was placing her on that fancy mattress, I was also trying to
remember that particular ‘movement’ which did the trick…
Back at home we were geared up
more for her sleep needs and it resulted in a rocker, a crib cum cradle and a
cloth hammock. There were times, when she would simply drift away to sleep
while feeding or she would hold to the cradle and sleep like an obedient kiddo
or smiles and sleeps to grand mom’s lullabies. But, most of the time I will have to work out
all my wrong muscles in an attempt to put her to sleep. And, then I tell myself
“She needs you Amma. You are her super woman!”
When she dozes off, I sneak out to enjoy luxuries in life like bathing, brushing, eating, chatting with parents,
watching TV, reading a book/newspaper, photographing, blogging, etc. While
doing these, my mind would flutter towards her cradle and see if she is showing
any signs of waking up or hunger pangs, pulling that sheet to her mouth, chewing
on her frock? And if she is all fine then, that would be the auspicious moment for
my neighbor to release a loud sneeze or that shower to let down a few water
drops or the fish vendor to press that unpleasant horn or our driver to come
and squeak open the gate or that harmless pressure cooker to release its
stress!
My baby then eventually wakes
up to all the pandemonium around her and cries and looks around the room for me
to appear and comfort. I would then run to her, pick her up, place a soft kiss
on the moist cheeks and hold her to my chest and pass on my warmth. The rocker
and the cradle would fail and I will start my various cradle movements and hum
a soft lullaby. In the process I get irritated, feel failed, tensed, and angry
but my face would show a perfect ‘inner peace’. I may want to put her to sleep
quickly but would move her only slowly. Then, as the time passes she yawns and
I would chuckle. Time moves more slowly now and I will wait for the moment and
then she falls asleep. :)
I would then move quickly yet
quietly to the room , but notices (every time) my sleeping cutie on the mirror. Now,
I cannot just take away my eyes from my baby, but only adore how innocently she
sleeps. I don’t want to place her on the cradle, instead cuddle and rest her
chin on my shoulder. My shower, my food,
my fresh photographs, my FB notifications can all wait, but I don’t want to
leave my sleeping sweetness. Awwww! I love
being a mother :)
